The Banya

The Banya has been an integral part of Russian life for centuries. Originally every village had a banya, it was where the towns people washed, cleaned up and got refreshed, as no houses had bathrooms. The banya was a weekly event for all Russians. Every town has a sort of central banya and out in the country many homes have a banya. The banya is a steam bath, rocks are heated by fire and then water poured on the rocks to create steam and heat. After your core body temperature approaches nuclear reactor level, you go out and frolic in the snow, or if there is no snow available pour large quantities of cold water over you.

Anyway, as a sort of late birthday celebration our good friend Valera invited us to his parents banya in the old part of Konakovo. Valera and his father built this about 7 years ago. out of logs. Not very big it has three rooms, one is the sort of relaxing, eating area about 4ms x 2 ms. This also has the fire box in it with a chimney up the central portion of the banya. The next room is where you get undressed put on swimming shorts or wrap a towel around you and houses the cold water, as it was not winter we could not run about in the snow so we had cold water here. Then there is the banya, quite small, about five to six people can fit in it, be warned if you go with Scot and Tom this goes down to three people, unless you are not worried about serious physical contact.

Of course, as we are in Russia, serious eating and drinking are all part of the experience and armed with 8kgs of freshly marinated pork neck, large quantities of chips, bread, beer and vodka we head to the banya.

The fire has been lit for about an hour, but it is not quite hot enough to go in yet, so we chill a little drink some beer and chat. About forty five minutes later we are good to go. Sebregt and I decided to go first. There are three benches in the banya, the top one is where you feel the most heat, but there is only enough room between the bench and the ceiling for a circus performer, however, I manage to wedge myself in there and Sebregt handles the water. A wooden ladle is used to throw the water through a small opening onto the rocks, OK here was the first training need identified - DO NOT stand in front of the opening when you throw the water in! A jet of steam hisses out hitting our Dutchmnan right in the mid rift and sinking him to the floor, I cannot respond quickly due to my confinement on the top bench, however the Dutch are made of stern stuff and he appears to make a quick recovery, well he didn't do that again! So not only is he tough he is a quick learner. Three or four ladles follow in succession and the heat is really intense, sweat is not the word it just pours off us, about 10 - 15 minutes is all we can manage and then out to the cold water. It really is best if someone pours the water over you but Sebregt and I decided on the more European approach of DIY the first time round. My God the water was cold and an involuntary sort of half groan half yelp comes out of you.

Then it's too the table for beer and shashlik. Russians do drink vodka at the banya but the preferred beverage is beer, to replace lost body fluids. Vodka is not very good for that.

Next up the ladies, while we wander around outside and admire the garden, the rabbits and the general lay of the land. Valera's father comes over to check that we are having a good time and shares some vodka with us, 100g each and the banya is starting to turn into quite the experience.

OK now it's the American's turn but Sebregt and I are up for another go, so we all squeeze in, then Andrew decides to come in. As you can see form the pics he is the BIG guy, I mean quite frankly there is not much room left when he is there on his own, so with six of us in there it is wall to wall flesh. God it's hot, Andrew is throwing water on the rocks like there is no tomorrow. I am sitting on the bottom bench but where the steam sort of hits the opposite wall, it's hot! Then we start to hear this sort of moaning noise, is someone in distress? No, it's only Steve making the only noises he knows how to in this sort of setting, he truly is a primordial being our Steve! We last until we can't stand it and then hit the cold water, Steve is now making noises that make me wonder if he has suffered brain damage in there, but after a beer and a couple of shots of vodka he appears his normal self.

The shashlik is delicious, you get a real appetite in the banya and snacking all afternoon is part of the experience. We now put on sort of stupid felt hats, the objective is to prevent heat escaping through your head, thereby increasing your body temperature faster and more intensely. I can't say I really cared for it myself but hey, all part of the day.

The rest of the afternoon carries on much like this, taking it in turns with the ladies we steam up, cool down rapidly, eat and drink. Andrew manages the fire, Tanya the Shashlik and we share duties on the drink.

It all passes too quickly and Andrew has passed out! Steve is really enjoying hinself now, hopping in and out of the banya, he appears to be in his element. Unfortunately there are no publishable pictures of him! We are refreshed, clean, and in amazingly good spirits as we leave the banya. It really is a great tradition, good food, a good time and therapeutic, what more can you ask for! A good time was had by one and all.